For the first time in 38 years, I am alone. At home. Alone. I do not count the cat, Pow Pow Kitty Cat Zero. That name is another story entirely. Or Scott, because after a long day at work, he comes home during my down-time.
I had great plans for my 'alone-ness'. I was going to start a cottage business; start writing by book, sewing, leading a Bible study, work part-time and spend time with my Dad.
I'm going to Dad's today. So far, that's been the gist of my list! I have started many of the aforementioned projects, but haven't gone very far with any of them. I discovered something really fascinating about being alone, or empty-nesting, or retirement, what ever you wants to call it.
No, it doesn't take discipline, or adjustment, or a schedule.
It takes practice.
I started working when I was about 9 years old. I was a farmer's kid, so of course I worked! When we left farming, I became a highly paid babysitter. I sat for parents of “special” kids. You know, where they have gone through so many sitters there are none left? Frankly, I loved it! Hyper-kinetic kids bring out all your creative juices!
Then I was trained as an upstairs maid. That was interesting, and served me well in later years. And so on and so forth. I worked full time jobs through high school and college. I was able to stay home for the first 8 years of my children, but was the youth director, Sunday school teacher, and deacon's wife, so yes, I worked full time.
The fact that I have been working for nearly 49 years straight has made this past 8 months really hard.
You're saying, Yeah,yeah,yeah, that's very interesting, but “what's God got to do, got to do with it?” (have that tune stuck in yer head aaaaaaaall day long!).
Well, it came up between the Lord and I the other day, per usual, that I was tired of waiting around for some promises to be fulfilled. AND, I was tired of waiting for our big move/break/ministry/blahblahblah and what was up with that?
He says to me “You need to learn how to wait”.
“How to WAIT? That's all I DO is wait!! What are you talking about?! I've waited for healing, and waited for understanding, and waited for cohesiveness, and whadda you want from me?!!”
Ahem. I was saying something about this to a friend when I realized what He really said.
Let us look at what...I...heard. “You need to to learn to wait.”
What...He...said. “You need to learn how to wait.”
Okay. Vast difference there. I have been chewing on this for days.
HOW to wait. Hmm. Seems I should be doing something different than I am.
I have been sitting on the mountainside, watching the sky, waiting for something exciting to happen
Brilliant. When has that ever been a plan?
Proverbs 20:4 says
“The sluggard does not plow after the autumn, So he begs during the harvest and has nothing.“
I figured I had finished my winter, spring, and summer. I have been waiting for an autumn harvest that I so richly deserved! Buuuuut, where is it? Did I not do anything that would produce a harvest to enjoy? No. That's not it at all.
I know now that I am still in the springtime of my work. I have so many seeds piled up, just bursting with life. Just waiting to be planted with both painstaking diligence in the fields (only so deep, evenly spaced) and sown in near wild abandon over the mountainside and plains. Waiting for rain and sunshine, winds and dreary days to germinate the Word.
So, in all of this, I am learning how to wait.
I shall hang up some of those “jackrabbit” projects that distract me so much. I will practice the art of being alone. I will learn to wait efficiently, on the Lord. And I will begin to sow a few more seeds.
And as Jesus returned, the people welcomed Him, for they had all been waiting for Him. Luke 8:40
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